A Conversation with You

All-knowing vs. free will

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 08:37:47 GMT

a. Only in a new version of spirituality is this reconciled. The god described in CWG, ACIM, etc… in a way, is all-knowing. No doubt about the result. The end is written. Because in the end, we will all come back to god. There is no other place to go. But at the same time, we are free to choose the path, the time, the effort….all our free will. By allowing us the ability to choose every aspect of our own growth, god expresses unconditional love. No matter what we choose, we still gain the same access. We still reach the same goal. And he walks with us during every step, because he is a part of us, and his interest is ours. Every step we make is a step he makes too. So he shares the burden, the joys, the beginning and the end.

b. Lately, every example of life I have seen likens it to a form of sleeping. We are all working toward waking up. And all of this around us every day is one form of illusion or another. I wondered today if Celestine Prophecy was describing a way of seeing through the illusion. Perhaps seeing the unseen, and feeling what is otherwise unfelt, is the first step in seeing through the illusions. A way to start seeing the dream as a dream….

(from 15 minutes of driving meditation…)

See if you can follow this train of thought...

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 06:38:04 GMT

I was wandering through the store today after work and found myself in the book section. I love science fiction / fantasy stories, so I ended up reading a few of the back covers. That's how I found myself reading about some cosmic heroine who was managing to hold a tenuous grip on peace in the empire. Then my thoughts started to wander...

The way I see the world right now, any hold on peace is bound to be tenuous, temporary, elusive...whatever. Its the nature of people to see things differently. Its what gives us the experience we have. But because of that, nobody will ever agree on what constitutes 'peace'. I think of all the movie themes about light and dark, good and evil. And anytime good 'wins', its only a matter of time before evil threatens again and takes over. So the interplay between good and evil is never-ending. And we see it in the world today. What one person sees as evil is always threatening their way of life. And of course the evil one sees is differently, their way of life threatened...and they're the good guys. So looking at the human condition and tendencies, I don't see how we'll ever achieve a unanimous peace.

And that got me thinking about it personally. Eventually I might actually achieve a peaceful state of mind within myself. But next I will want to share it, and impose it on others...to help them achieve my sense of peace. Which of course someone is going to disagree with. So is it just arrogance that lets us think we can 'help' others? I can really only find peace within....and that occurs primarily by removing myself from the world around me. Spiritually, I mean. I have to look beyond the physical world and remove myself from the 'rat race', so to speak. It seems to me that only when I've detached myself from the connections, expectations, and illusions of this world can I truly be at peace.

But it is only for me. I can hope to be an example to others. I can give when asked. But I cannot push my perception on another. If they are not ready and agreeable and willing, then it will just upset whatever peace they may have. Just as any beliefs that are imposed on me upset my balance.

So it feels kind of defeatist, but is there truly anything I can actually do for my fellow man? Sometimes I don't think so. Because I'm the only one I can help. And when it all comes down to it, that's the greatest I can do. I believe that we are all one. So focusing on my own peace is the best I can do for anyone else. The moment I begin to impose....I'm not focused on me anymore. Maybe seems a bit selfish, but I guess that's acceptable if this is all a form of myself. : )

(Guess I should be careful wandering through book sections.)

Frustrated...

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 03:15:10 GMT

Not sure exactly what I'm feeling right now, but it feels like such a mix of so many emotions.
I've been away from home for over a month now at a leadership school. I'll be going home this week.
I've been so frustrated being away. I've enjoyed the time to spend alone, time to really listen to my own thoughts for a while. But sometimes my thoughts just won't stop coming. And I get frustrated not being able to share my thoughts and my time with my wife and daughter.
We're trying to finish up an international adoption before we move back to the states, and we're running into a lot of roadblocks there too. That's the most frustrating right now. But I can't be there to help the situation or even just be there for my wife.
And I feel like I have a lot of energy, but nowhere to expend it. No direction to point it in. So it stays locked inside. Just like my thoughts. And my feelings. Locked in like a caged animal. That kinda expresses what I'm feeling. I know that I am more than just this body and these feelings and these thoughts and these relationships. But I don't know how to unlock it. I have the knowledge...but I can't fathom the experience. Like the greatest part of me is trapped inside somehow. And until I can release that part of me, I'm stuck with the limited, physical, flawed part of me that hurts and is clueless and incomplete. There's a better part of this world to find, but we have to get past ourselves. We have to see it without the clouded filters of our own eyes. But I don't know how to be free.

Picture this...

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 09:22:14 GMT

Well, its been a long time since I started this journal. I've spent some time over that past couple months just browsing through some of the wonderful communities.
Recently, I came across some of the photography contest communities, and I'm really intrigued by them. I love taking my digital camera everywhere, but it's hard to be inspired sometimes. The communities give topics to go search for. Kinda gets the process rolling a bit. So I enjoy the idea and am attempting to join a few of them and get clicking.
I figured I need to get myself an icon if I'm going to do this right. Don't have all of my pictures handy at the moment, so I went with a straight-forward shot of myself for now. Not sure how I feel about that, though, cuz I prefer to be behind the camera. But then a good mirror allows me to be both.
Anyway, I'm hoping this will help me to define what it is I want to 'say' with my pictures. I feel like there is a way to express how I view the world by showing how I look at it. And of course, my camera lets me do that. But I'm not sure yet what that message is. So for now, I'm just enjoying getting creative.

Introduction....

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 07:53:30 GMT

Greetings,
I guess I shall begin with a little bit about myself. It might help you to know something about me. Something that perhaps resonates with you as well.
I have a love of religion and spirituality. Almost an obsession. And yet I don't consider myself in the least bit religious. I grew up in a Christian environment, but at an early age I knew that I had more questions than I could find answers. Since Chrisitanity is where I was, that is where I started searching for those answers. But it didn't take me long to understand that any religion created by anyone other than myself would not quite fit all my particular needs. It wasn't anything horrendous, it just didn't seem to have the whole story. And that didn't sit well with me at all. And I had trouble relating to people who seemed to either believe that it did have the whole story or merely accepted that it didn't and were okay with that. I was not okay with that.
The Christians that I knew seemed to feel superior to others who didn't follow the "one true faith". And I resented that arrogance. And yet, as I started to define my own beliefs, I too felt superior to them, because I had "surpassed" them. This is a trouble with ego that I struggle with even now.
But eventually I became more rebellious. Especially as I entered college and was introduced to a myriad of new faiths. All seemed equally valid. And all seemed to be equally limited. As I struggled to define my own views, I found it easier to simply attack the views that I was most familiar with. Those of Christianity. It became my launching ground for true logical, rational analyzing. With ease I was able to point out what are still to me glaringly huge holes in the whole concept that Christianity was teaching. I may include a few of my thoughts on that at some point, but this is not the time.
The exposure I received in college opened me up to a vast palette of New Age teachings that I took to immediately. These beliefs and practices had been around me almost all of my young life in one form or another, but for the first time I was able to truly dive in without my family's ideas to shroud my own. Understand that my family was one of the most open-minded group of people I've ever encountered. And the late-night conversations we used to have (and still do have) brought me great joy. But on my own, I was able to really discover what made me "me". And the friends I made there helped me to do just that. They came from many cultural backgrounds. And I learned about everything from tarot reading to atheism. And it all seemed to start filling in the holes I'd always felt existed.
Eventually I became comfortable enough in my own developing beliefs to look back at my roots and see if there was anything from Christianity that was worth keeping. This was quite a large step for me, since I had been attacking the religion for some time, and it had practically become habit. But as I delved into it a bit, I realized that it wasn't Christianity that I didn't like, it was Christians that I didn't like. I started to believe that most of those I knew were not what I would call 'good' Christians. In the sense that the word means Christ-like. Very few Christ-like people in the churches I experienced.
However, the teachings of Jesus were something different altogether. I've come to my own opinion that Jesus really "got it". He understood so much. And tried to pass that understanding on. Unfortunately, most Christians today don't "get it". They don't seem to grasp what he was trying to describe. Its as if its really out of reach for most followers.
Or perhaps they simply don't need to understand it all. And I do.
To be con't....

Hello

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 10:27:30 GMT

Greetings,
Welcome to a place that I hope will help to open my mind, my creativity and my connection. And yours. I'm not sure yet where this ride will take me, but possibly with your help, it will be worth every moment.
Erik